Let's All Feel Bad for KOW KUNT KIM

"So glad she's ALL RIGHT!"

"This is NO JOKE!"

Yes, Kim Kuntrashian has "broken the Internet" again, this time because the rich, stupid moo got robbed in her fancy hotel.

Everyone's ALL a'TWITTER about...what exactly? WHAT is this bitch? Porn slut? Reality show media whore? Kanye dick holster? When did she become royalty? When did she ever do anything beyond promote her dumb, repulsive nasal-voiced idiot self and her brood of leeches, fat parasites and mascara'd maggots?

At least the NY POST wasn't too upset.

Piers Morgan was first to race to the Internet to declare this International tragedy, and he was followed by the rest of the assholes:

And on and on. Yes, even the NY Times got in on it. Various koncerned Kim fans were krying about it, sending along their BEST WISHES for their ROYAL HIGHNESS and ULTIMATE GODDESS. After all, she's spawned two interracial brats, been the ambassador for sluttery, taught white women that she and her sisters and half-sisters know that BLACK DICKS MATTER, and she's given autistic moronic trailer-trash assholes and shanty monkeys and dimwitted crack whores somebody to worship and model themselves after.

What the FUCK was the bitch doing with, what, NINE MILLION BUCKS in JEWELRY? People feel SORRY for someone that craven and excessive?

SHIT HAPPENS when you are known to carry that much DISPOSABLE jewelry (plus cash).

Absolute IDIOTS are now spending their time chittering about how they are SOOOOOOOO glad she's OOOOOOOO K.

Another bunch are clucking their tongues over where her bodyguard was. Why, this was the worst job of bodyguarding since Parker left his post and allowed Booth to shoot Lincoln!

Let's all scream about the Kim's security team and hope the guy who guarded her is sent to jail for the rest of his life, or forced to wear Kanye's designer fashions.

I know why the guy wasn't sitting in front of Kim's door. He was in the bathroom. He'd gotten diarrhea after watching "Keeping up with the Kardashians" on his laptop.

You know ME, I'm Mr. Sensitive. So I won't say that it's too bad the robbers didn't punch the DUMB out of her face. After all, that shit-eyed tramp looks like she's always on queer street from a smack to the jaw. (And who says Kanye doesn't keep da white bitch in line with a good smack now and then?) Kim Kardashian is the most RETARDED LOOKING WOMAN ON THE PLANET. Put it this way, when she goes to the zoo, the staff follows her around with a sign: "NOT PART OF THE SIMIAN EXHIBIT."

For the next few days we'll be hearing all the details of how she was tied up and gagged and...do you suppose we'll eventually see VIDEO of this turning up on "Keeping up with the Kardashians" OR on "Pay Per View?" It could be a double feature with one of her "Black D-list sports guy fucks Kim" camcorder jobs.

Poor Lindsay Lohan. This thing has blown her "I knicked my finger, but it got reattached" story right out of the water. Now THAT is a tragedy. I mean, KIM was not harmed at all, and Lindsay Lohan actually bled, and still has a throbbing finger!

And earlier this month, Taylor Swift bled, put in a tampon, and still had a throbbing vagina. Quick, put in a call to Buckingham Palace. "How's ever little thing with YOU, Kate? And you KNOW what I refer to by EVERY LITTLE THING.