OH FUCK! I'LL PAY TO POSE WITH FUKUHARA!

Whee, and WOO HOO.

The professional weasels who set up a flattering mini-studio at CHILLER have published their list of "photo opportunities." 

A lot of stars simply will NOT let you take an unflattering snapshot as you lean in on them at the table. Many are wary of how flash pictures expose every wrinkle and blemish. 

So, make that appointment and set the timer on your "Star Trek" watch, and have your money in your sweaty fist so you can get FIVE SECONDS with...



Yes,"exclusive" means that if you miss your appointment, you will NOT be able to beg and whine and come stand behind the table next to your favorite star. You snooze, you lose.

Isn't it nice to know that waxy Barbara, who will probably get only $20 of the $40, will let anyone come around and touch her shoulder or sniff at her hair, to collect a $20 at the table? 

An irony here is that if you pester somebody at their table, especially someone who appears at Chiller EVERY fucking year and never has a long line, you might get 20 seconds, or even a golden minute to burp and drool at them about how much you LOVE them. At the photo-op you literally get 5 seconds. An obnoxious obese clod tells you and the other nerds to stand in line, then barks, "Now! Over here. Stand HERE," and then gives the signal to the camera guy. "One, two, THREE. OK. Next! NOW! Over here..." 

The photo may impress idiot friends, but the fact remains: "I don't know this star. I didn't even get to shake hands. I didn't get to say a word. I just got to stand for this picture." And these New Jersey hicks make fun of wogs in India, Pakistan and Syria for praying to statues? They laugh at some gook for sitting in front of a bowl of fruit and chanting "nah-mee-oh-hah-ren-gay-kee-yo." 

IF I'M BEING HONEST, I never heard of Telma, or Joyce or Scott or the gruesome Ms. Fuckyou. People who PAY to be photographed them really belong in a straitjacket. 

The sad joke is that Saturday morning we'll see how awful dozens and dozens of these celebrities look these days. Yes, the pants-wetting Huelbigs who paid DOUBLE to get in on Friday night, will have posted to Farcebook Saturday morning. "Here I am with Lisa Marie...who is NOT wearing her outfit from "Mars Attacks" or "Ed Wood" and is looking very ordinary..." 

Christ, people want to pose next to Tony Orlando? And PAY him? WHY? 

Desperate times means desperate nerds have to cling to their religion: THE WORSHIP OF D-LIST CELEBRITIES.