Another moronic Huelbig heard from

You're a STAR. 

Why? YOU COLLECT AUTOGRAPHS BY MAIL. You've pestered famous people with a form letter, included a photo and return postage, and they (or a secretary) actually NOTICED YOU for about five seconds. WOW! 

Don't just babble about this in a forum. Don't just have a FARCEBOOK account to show off your COLLECTION. Don't just hoist your shit to a free photo storage site. 

Pay $7.95 a month to have your own WEBSITE. Like THIS asshole

WOWEE ZOWEE. That's SO professional (except the website isn't a real dotcom and says WEBSITE.COM in it). It's got bells and whistles (click a photo and it spins, and there's a moving treadmill that automatically shows off your favorite autographed photos AND the address you used to GET IT.) 

The website even has a title, "Celebrity by MAK," ooh, MAK is the next Perez Hilton or Nerd von Douchebag or Phantom of Mommy's Basement? How...FAT...and UGLY...IS THIS GUY? What glamour job does he have, if any??  

You can bet he gets NICE COMMENTS, as if he's a star. Show off an autographed photo you got by mail, or paid for in person, and people think you're somebody.  (Ps, these people get awfully annoyed when cynics point out out that many autographed photos by mail are secretarials, forged by some lowly clod.) 

Every day in fanmail forums there are headlines with a stars name and SUCCESS or, with a sad face, FAIL or RTS ("it was returned, she's not signing anymore? Anyone have a different address I can try???") 

I remember visiting NAME REDACTED at his home. He was big on radio. He was a familiar voice on TV commercials. He did become a regular co-star on a long-running drama series. And he kept a pile of 8x10's and if someone sent him a fan letter with a folded 8 1/2 x 11 return envelope and postage, he'd autograph a photo. It cost him maybe 50 cents to have the photos made in bulk, so, fine, the "fan" was paying more in postage. Fair enough.

He had a bit of fan mail on his desk and remarked, "They all seem to say the same thing. And I don't know how they get my home address." And I explained that a few companies are in business solely to publish celebrity address print-out books (and bi-monthly updates) and people are shown sample form letters they can use: "Be polite, list your favorite movie or TV show the star did, say you'd be so happy to get an autographed photo..." 

Like a bird picking nits off an elephant's ass, there's a certain quid-pro-quo here. As W.H. Auden wrote about mail, "No one likes to think themselves forgotten." Stars do get a little ego boost from a manageable stream of fan mail they can put off and handle once a week or so. 

BUT it gets ridiculous when people make it a hobby and will write to ANYONE known to write back. It's no wonder so many stars now ONLY sign at memorabilia shows for MONEY, or have their own websites with a price list for sending out small, large, color or personalized items. 

"CELEBRITY BY..." Nerd. But as we've seen from all those pix of fat, goggle-eyed, drooling grinning simpletons paying to pose with celebrities, it's almost a religion.