UBER-TUBE

In Germany, they have Uber Tube. Any member of the Master Race can post things. 

As you'd expect, Uber Tube has degenerated quickly into nothing but bootlegs, egocentric singer-songwriters, cooking shows for Jews (with microwave oven recipes for Jewish babies), and channels where obese bearded virgins brag about what they've bought. 



Making a name for himself is one-eyed Eitenlieker Horst, whose name translates into English as Asslicking Horse.  It's possible that his name is actually Horst Eitenlieker, in which case, his English name is Horse Asslicker.  

He weighs about 340 pounds, and has bigger tits than Merkel. However, unlike Merkel he has no great sympathy for African refugees. In fact, he attends secret shows where he buys "verboten" items such as the stuffed head of a dead immigrant baby. He shows off how he received it, sealed in glass and embedded in sanitary cotton. 



Horst inherited a lot of money from his grandfather, who was in charge of knocking gold teeth out of Jewish skulls at Dachau. He spends most of his money accumulating horrific "collectibles," and the rest of his money on accumulating layers of fat. 

His favorite food is Meatloaf-Scheisse, which is actual dung pulled out of Marvin Aday's lower colon. Fortunately for Horst, Marvin is severely constipated. Horst pays the bills for Marvin's bi-weekly unclogging as well as hebdominal abdominal dingleberry picking as done by an expert in Bristol. The material is packed in ice and flown to Horst. It sometimes arrives at the back door, because he sometimes shoves it into his back door to save time. 

"Horst" is written first on the front door, but last on the back door, so that's no way to tell if it's his first or last name. Most of his friends call him "Hey you fat monster." He introduces himself by simply saying, "Where's food?" He usually says this in English, because German is a difficult language, even for other Germans. Even Merkel is often heard muttering, "Oy, Hebrew is easier and it's written from right to left." 

Speaking of skewed right and left, when Horst was just 15 years-old he had a terrible accident. He was masturbating to a photo of Eva Braun wearing a riding crop and boots. A sizzling gob of ejaculate slammed into his left eye, deflating the eyeball, and causing some brain damage. Horst had no idea about any of this for twenty years. Nobody realized how brain damaged he was till he began collecting stupid "collectors items." Horst didn't even get his eye checked until somebody said, "Do you even look at that garbage you buy?" When it was confirmed that he had perfect sight in one eye, he kept right on buying garbage. 

He sometimes buys rare photos of his first and only love, Eva Braun. He used to ask his grandfather about Eva, and loved to hear the story about how Eva once came to Dachau to watch his grandfather pull gold fillings out of Jews' teeth. "I wish you could do it more painfully," Eva scolded. His grandfather replied, "But they're dead!" 

Sometimes his grandfather would abruptly shout, "Don't mention the war!" After all, there was some trauma connected to it. When the Allies launched their bombing raids, the Horst House (or maybe the Eitenlieker House, nobody knows) was destroyed in a fire. Lost forever was the recipe for Nesselrode Pie. In over 50 years, nobody's been able to make it right, and almost nobody even tries. So, you kill thousands of Jews, but you lose a pie recipe. It sort of evens out. 

When Horst goes to secret auctions and das boot sales, the fat bastard is still almost always identified as a Nazi because a) he mentions it on his Uber Tube channel, b) he insists on wearing a swastika, and c) his grandmother, Ilsa the She Wolf of the S.S. wore the identical style of beard.