Gwyneth Paltrow's CUNT is full of GOOP

Who IS this Gwyneth Paltrow bitch, and why is she wiping her cunt in my newspaper?

IF I'M BEING HONEST, I don't think I've seen this stupid vanilla twat in any movie. She doesn't make movies for anyone but other spaced out Yuppie scum princesses.

Isn't she the idiot who named her spawn Apple? Who was once married to possibly the most pretentious man with yellow teeth and yellow hair on Earth? That would be Chris Martin, mewler for the frigidly inept wimp-band Coldplay.

I think she is the spawn of an actually good actress, Blythe Danner, whose main trait was a vulnerably hoarse voice that, had she gone in for treatment at Yorkville Endoscopy, could've gotten her killed.

Every now and then this Paltrow bitch gets into the small print while Kardashian and Honey Boo Boo grab the headlines. But today? It was hard to ignore TODAY'S crotch grab from this darling media whore:

Huh? Say what? Look, it's one thing for batty guru-ettes to preach to the perverted, and it might actually do some good if they follow this nutjob's basic beliefs in vegetarianism. Or being organic. Or whatever.

But just because she can flounce around in a spa, and squat her precious pussy against a gently puffing billow of steam...is no reason for sane people to do it.

Who knows when this crackpot's crack is going to explode? It's possible that her inner twatness has simply become all glistening callus thanks to the constant splooge of magical Chris Martin seminal mucus. Or having an Apple ooze out of her womb has rendered her nethers into a Spongebob form of Kryptonite or something. But the average mortal woman does need the sanity of newspaper reporters to guide them away from disaster.

Paltrow runs a website appropriately called GOOP. It's run by a bunch of air-headed termite brains who don't answer e-mails and who are lost in their own precious viscosity. This repulsive Rapunzel is one of those bimbos who is wrapped in cotton (after getting her vagina steamed) and simply pays no attention to little things like sanity.

Christ, it's getting a little too obnoxious in Celebrity Land, when you can't go a day without being reminded about Katy Perry's tits, Kim Kardashian's ass, Gwyneth Paltrow's cunt, or Bruce Jenner not being sure which of these he wants the most...on his own body.