Morley & More Moron Media Whore "Authorities"

From Paul Morley to Perez Hilton to Piers Morgan, there are "media whore authorities."

Their job, mostly, is to validate media whores.

The job of the "MEDIA WHORE AUTHORITY" is to be interviewed about how WONDERFUL and BRILLIANT the latest halfwit media whore is. OR...to validate some idiot's documentary on a D-lister or a dubious subject nobody cares about.

The "MEDIA WHORE AUTHORITY" will turn up when the subject is NOT really famous or worthy. For instance, there's no shortage of A-list people, accredited authors and big stars to sit in front of a camera when the subject is The Beatles. But if it's Kraftwerk? You go to some D-list idiot who'll say just what you want him to say.

In America, for many decades this was one of the more inescapable pests:

For literally decades, desperate idiots needing a talking head for a "pop culture" piece, called this fag and he burbled as long as needed. A documentary on some obscure dead film star? Someone to explain how great Studio 54 was? Needing to fill time because Bowie wouldn't grant an interview? Yeah, THIS is what you got.

For 30 dreadful years, this deliberately simpering pest had a "gossip column" in a weekly newspaper. The gig SEEMED impressive, but as he'd painfully admit, they paid shit. They knew that a guy like this would do it just to have the byline and the perks of free dinners and concert tickets and a chance to rub up against celebrities at parties.

Thanks to the failing market for real newspapers, and being too old and "Tallulah" oriented to compete with Perez Hilton and younger queers chasing after dykes and niggas, he was ousted. He gamely got a send-off from another gossip columnist/media whore who gave him a chance to save face and pretend he was going on to better things.

"Nobody Loves a Fairy When She's 40." And unless you're any kind of real reporter or superstar (like Barbara Walters) you're gonna be put out to pasture, and not risk embarrassing yourself trying to Keep up with the Kardashians or talk to Viley Virus or Justa Beeper. A 60-something fag, even with gay cliques dominating the entertainment media, is not needed.

The damage has been done, though. You can hardly avoid this creep on tons of low budget and D-lister biography shows, most of them now on YouTube. Since he was in New York and available at a moment's notice, he was one of the go-to "media whore authorities" any time there was a birth, death, movie premiere, or some other event that required a soulless "say anything to get your face in front of a camera" jerk.

These days Jimmy Kimmel has a regular bit where he has some reporter go out and interview people in the street. It's called "Lie-Witness News." Is it a surprise that to get on TV, anyone would outright lie about having seen a movie (that doesn't exist)? And that once caught, they'd sign a waver just so that the entire country can see them make fools of themselves? Such is "fame." Imagine somebody saying, "Hey everyone, watch Kimmel tonight. I'll be on! I was asked "What did you think of the magazine photo of Kanye West showing his ass" and I said, "I didn't mind. He loves to shock."

It doesn't matter what kind of droning Paul Morley or the others do. They just keep on doing it. The more they scratch, the more they bloody well get. Some get their own shows. From humble media whore beginnings came such cocksuckers as A.J. Benza, a phony who hosted a scandal & gossip show for A&E. Then there's Piers Morgan who moved from print to real "stardom" in this world gone mad.

All you need is to "work it, girl." Be available. Network. Use your connections. This Michael idiot was a nobody when he first started out. He was solemn, dull, sullen, and wore plain white shirts like a schoolboy. Gradually he learned "the more flamboyant the better," with loud clothes and cheesy facial expressions. By the time he got his gossip gig for the fab V.V., he was working it, girl. He'd gone from wallflower to odorous pansy. His intentionally simpering, irritating attitude and googly grimaces into the camera helped rather than hindered. And since he had no reputation to uphold, unlike, say, "serious" film critic Rex Reed, his brand of gay and his unapologetic media whoring for anything and anyone, got him more and more face time.

Got a TV special? Got an article to write and need an "expert" fast? Don't want to have to do research? Don't want somebody who's going to tell the truth or be less than enthusiastic about whoever you're puffing? You go to the pompous, the faggy, the professorial and the pesty...the perfect "media whore authorities." They love being used over and over again like snotty handkerchiefs and soiled underwear. Sure, after a while the smell lingers, but from a distance, on TV, most viewers don't notice the stains. These media whore authorities are convinced they're looking good.

They don't realize that after the camera stops rolling, the producer who couldn't get anyone better, shrugs and simply thinks, "that'll do, pig. That'll do."