Who is this bitch KATY PERRY and why's she singing at the SUPER BOWL?

The answer is...I DON'T KNOW.

A lot of people (including savvy bloggers) are surprised that the famous fabulous SUPER BOWL isn't booking a true SUPER star.

IF I'M BEING HONEST, the fucking SUPER BOWL is easily one of the Top 3 events in America every year. I'd say it's barely behind Thanksgiving and Christmas as a day when AMERICA STOPS FUNCTIONING.

You can walk the streets of a major city and it will be almost deserted. You can go into supermarkets and there won't be many customers, and only a few FEMALE employees to help you. Maybe an hour before the game starts, the place will be loaded with idiot males hauling away 12 packs of beer and all the junk food they can carry.

But during the game itself...the country could be taken over by Arabs.

And nobody would notice.

Consider that Thanksgiving is a national holiday, and Christmas, too, and that America is still primarily a CHRISTIAN nation. This makes the fucking SUPER BOWL even more phenomenal. Why the fucking hysteria over this idiot game? Why in the world do people actually look forward to watching TV COMMERCIALS and voting on which ones were the most amusing?? Sick, isn't it?

So why shouldn't the half-time game be sick, too? What other sporting event takes a huge time out so that some cunt can sing?

It makes more sense for it to happen at Wimbledon, or France, Australia and the US Open. These tennis players are running all over the place and exhausting themselves. They could USE a half hour to rest. Nah, they don't get it. Nobody does but fucking FOOTBALL players.

Usually the SUPER BOWL draws the most famous name possible for the half-time show. This year? NOT AT ALL.

Katy Perry is a NOBODY in America. The proof of that, is that I barely know who the fuck she is.

All I know is she's British and has big boobs. I'm subjected to the daily news. I suffer the "musical guests" on talk shows or "Saturday Night Live," and somehow I've avoided Katy Perry. Yet, I've had to put up with everyone from skinny Viley Virus to fat slob Adelle, and all kinds of skanks and lunatics from Lana del Rey to Ariana Grande. So to NOT have heard a Katy Perry song means it's avoidable, which means she's NOT a big star over here.

KATY PERRY? It's said "she has sold 11 million albums and 81 million singles worldwide, making her one of the best-selling artists of all time." I haven't paid her a penny. I'd spend a penny in her mouth, if that's any compliment.

I'd say 10.9 million and 90.9 million of those albums and singles were sold someplace other than America. But maybe that's the point, that the Super Bowl is now taking advantage of the Internet and world-wide curiosity. This year, for the first time, the game is "streaming" live. How do you get some greasy Spaniard into the works? Or some clueless chive in Cotswald who normally watches some monkey skitter around trying to kick a ball into a Net? Or a Brazilian who spends more time waxing than anything else?

Telling 'em to watch THE SUPER BOWL isn't enough. WE in America, after all, don't really give a shit about the World Cup Soccer match (especially when America is eliminated in the first round). "World Championship" fights mean nothing in America if an American isn't fighting. "World" champion darts? Snooker? Are you KIDDING?

So KATY PERRY gets the nod mostly because she has BIG BOOBS, and young idiots have heard of her, and she's known to Europeans and third world monsters who are the next market to annoy with TV commercials.

For reasons totally beyond comprehension, Katy's invited along Lenny Kravitz, the half-Black half-Jewish halfwit whose albums have been dollar bin dross for years. WHO the FUCK cares about this guy? He's supposed to help draw in the black audience? The Seattle quarterback is black. That's enough. So are most of the players, including an ugly asshole who shows up at mandatory press conferences and refuses to answer questions. All he does is bellow "You know why I'm here." Sometimes he mixes it up with: "I'm just here so I don't get fined."

Katy held a press conference and she joked, "I'm just here so I don't get fined."

She sort of has a sense of humor, huh? Or she has a manager writing a line or two for her. The big news leading up to this stupid fucking game is that the Boston Patriots were accused of using "under-inflated balls" in the semi-finals. Just how a ball with slightly less air in it helps hasn't been determined. But it did give BOOBALICIOUS Katy a chance for a nyuk:

"I can assure everyone in here, nothing in my performance will be deflated."

Gee. Katy Perry has TITS. Kim Kardashian has a cunt. Gwyneth Paltrow has a steam-cleaned vagina. THE WORLD IS SAVED.