Shove Matthew Perry Face-First Into A Manure Pile

OK, let's get back to trivial shit.

Like, being a "hater" about rich stupid faggot actors.

If this was the Wild Wild West, Matthew Perry would be dead. He'd be at the bar, and he'd hear, "Stranger, I don't like your face. Draw."

And since he's an inept useless actor twit, he'd end up with a bullet through his fucking head.

Are there some people you just don't like on FACE alone?

I don't know why that is. Maybe it's in-bred from somebody that did something bad to Mom or Dad or Granny or Grandpa. Maybe somebody who looked like Matthew Perry did something bad to somebody in a previous generation of my family?? Who knows. All I know is that I've always switched the channel, FAST, whenever I've seen this Matthew Perry creep.

Jim Parsons is another I don't EVER want to have to look at, or hear. Somehow, a certain set of eyes, a certain mouth and nose and voice...creates a "perfect storm" that makes me wish to spit in the jerk's face. Only Parsons would probably enjoy it. So he gets the manure facial, too.

Parsons, like Charlie Sheen, is inexplicably a comedy "star" who is unavoidable on TV.

Perry, another no-talent who couldn't make a success of himself in films, is returning to TV following that long dull hiatus after "Friends."

What an awful series THAT was. Nobody on that show looked like ANYONE I would EVER want to be FRIENDS with. And yes, that includes Afghan bitch sour-faced Jennifer Anus-stain, whose success is totally beyond her talent or her tits. Just why people like her, is only more proof that the world is full of incredibly stupid and mediocre minds.

I've tried to avoid HER, too, by the way. I actually suffered through some minutes of her on Graham Ugh Norton's show. As if Norton isn't difficult enough. I figured Jen might tell some funny anecdotes. Nope. She was dull, self-absorbed, and at best, had a snotty sense of self-deprecation. She's the type who'd send back the soda because "it's not diet...I swear it's regular Coke."

So the idea of having to see a show that includes this drab bitch AND the thin-lipped creepy Matthew Perry? No way.

I thought the world was free and clear of Matthew Perry. He's made his millions, so he can walk around grinning his thin lips at tourists and fans, and making stupid sitcom faces, and eating $80 lunches at trendy restaurants and pay $800 to fuck black whores, or whatever he wants.

But NO, this fame-whore pest is trying to get back on the sitcom treadmill. Not with anything NEW, of course. Not even with a re-working of the oh-so-hilarious character he played on that shitty sitcom. NO. He's gonna take over one of the parts on the sacred "Odd Couple."

Three words, Perry: I HATE YOU.

Not in a radical Muslim way. But if there was a YouTube video of somebody shoving your face in a pile of shit, I would favorite it. I would share it. I might even freeze-frame it and make it into a t-shirt.

Note how the show is being promoted: "Oh, we're not coke-addled, obnoxious arrogant Hollywood hacks." No, "We're self-deprecating, adorables who are timidly hoping you won't hate us for having the gall to step into the shoes of four of the greatest actors of the 20th Century."

How nice that they admit they could be fucking up a legendary Neil Simon vehicle that was rendered immortal on film by Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau, and on TV by Tony Randall and Jack Klugman.

The fucking chutzpah! They could've at least changed the title to "The Shit Couple." Or made it "The Odd Couple, Millenial Generation X Asshole Edition." These ARE guys who will never memorize a line, but read off TelePrompters, right? And the jokes will all be about apps and laptops and if the girl has herpes.

Tell me, take a look to the right. IS that a face that should be kissing a pile of manure? Look at that expression. Don't you think it would be nice to grab Matthew Perry by the back of his hair, and shove his head up an elephant's ass? Isn't there something about his face that is NOT even a face?

Not that the other guy is so great either. But he's just another metrosexual, isn't he? What happened to MALES? Why aren't there any? There's been a big generation gap down from George Clooney and Kevin Costner. This other guy, who will be playing the gay-ish Felix part, looks more like a TV weatherman. Some have told me he's actually got talent (he's been in various shows I've never bothered to watch, because I do have a life). Somehow I don't think HE is anywhere near the level of Lemmon or Randall. He's not even at the level of Kevin Spacey, for fuck's sake.

But Perry? That creep is much worse. He's totally degenerated either the "funny neurotic guy" that was already being tested by Seinfeld, or the "handsome but always in trouble guy" that nobody's really been able to make work since the early days of Tom Hanks. Christ. Matthew Ugly-Face Disgusting Perry. I think he may be related to one of Katy Perry's hemorrhoids.

People don't want Bill Cosby to EVER work again. Oh yeah, and THIS is the comedy alternative.