RIAA Gives Up: Our Ass Is Kicked & We Can't Boot Anyone out of Exystence

That new 2 CD re-issue of mostly shit you already have?

WHY pay to get it again because stinky Mr. Brooker ok'd a few bonus tracks he'd been hiding up his wrinkled anus? Besides, these have been circulating among the dwindling fans of Boko Harem for years.

So Exystence and Kickass (who both are flogging it the same day, by coincidence) are doing us all a favor.

Heil! Heil!

Meanwhile, Bill Hoobastank, head of the RIAA (Retired Idiotic Assholes Association) officially buried Procol Harum royalties, and created a marker at a cemetery in Washington, D.C.

His memorial was touching:

"Four score, which is a lot of years ago, recordings were popular. They flourished. People loved to have MUSIC in their VERY OWN HOME. They paid for it, too!

"Now you can download it FREE, and we at the RIAA are saddened by this. Not enough to do anything, but frankly, I'm so upset I can't take a 2 hour lunch anymore, just 90 minutes.

"Over the past ten years, my waistline has only increased by twelve inches. Which is a foot. I know this is the set-up for some kind of joke about how I've added a foot to my waistline, but I'm too sorrowful and stupid to bother.

"We simply can't lobby Congress for any change in Internet law. After all, as our leaders, Google and Assange and Wikipedia and Jeff Bezos tell us while blowing loads down our throats, "The Internet Believes in Freedom of Speech."

"Always look on the bright side of life, the comic genius Eric Idle once sang. I believe in this philosophy. Look, Exystence and Kickass are big companies that employ people. Some people are making money off this! Better they do than some little old wrinkled Nazi like Zinhof, or a fat music-industry-hater like Hans Demented, or a goofy homo drug-addled screwball like Christer Sucks Cock.

"In conclusion, I value my collection of "me at a celebrity grave" photos. I trust there will be plenty of suicides so that I can keep going around the country adding more photos to my collection. I can't just wait for old hags like Lynn Anderson to have a heart attack. She was 67, promoting her latest CD on some tiny tiny tiny label, and doing shows, and boom. Oh well. That won't happen to ME. I don't do a damn thing except pose for pictures and eat a lot!

"I have always wanted to have a picture of myself next to a load of Muffin shit. Muffin is owned by a senile fellow who calls himself LORD of the Boot Sale, like I call myself Hitler of Fee Taking. I surely deserve a fee for what I do for musicians at the RIAA, don't I?"