And, STILL being honest, that includes the tiresome series of bad joke "novelty" singles from the great and glorious Christopher Lee.
I've met the guy. He IS scary in person. I wouldn't say "Your music is crap" to his face...that's how scary he is, even at 92. Also, at 92, he really can (and should) do anything he fucking likes. But Christ, who can LIKE this stupid one-joke heavy metal shit?
Some years ago, Lee got the demented idea to unleash his operatic voice on everything from "My Way" to the "Toreador Song" from Carmen. Even great opera stars aren't likely to be on key and on target in their 80's, but some of Lee's stuff was momentarily amusing. Maybe not if you had to buy it. But to hear him flailing through "Toreador" was ok, once. Hearing him bellow "Do Not Forsake Me Oh My Darling" (from "High Noon") was bizarre (if not entertaining) and yes, "My Way" was also sort of worth hearing, sounding very similar to so many of his horror roles. I mean, you could imagine him singing it while a stake was being pounded through his heart.
Sadly, like Shatner, Lee is sometimes in on the joke, sometimes not, and if he's in the wrong company, this shit is going to sound like...SHIT.
It's pretty intolerable when all that's going on is old Christopher being egged on to sing to a karaoke track of some kind, and then have shitty heavy metal pumped over it for the final release.
Google Christopher Lee in the NEWS, and you'll get dozens of websites and Media-whore blogs and forums raving about this mediocre piece of crap: "Christopher Lee is Back!" "Ho ho! Heavy Metal meets Horror!" "Amazing! 92 Year-old Terror Star Does Terrific Heavy Metal Christmas Carol!" Hype hype shite.
IF I'M BEING HONEST, along with rap music, HEAVY METAL, PUNK and HEADBANGER stuff all sounds alike. Dreadful. It's aimed for young pinheads who literally need horrible music to help them abuse their bodies. As in beating their heads against a wall, getting tattooed, torturing pet animals, watching pro wrestling or jerking off.
It's just a pathetic cliche to throw some death-rock chords over Lee's gasping and yowling. Something that seems like it has some promise, like "Jingle Hell," fails miserably thanks to rotten lyrics and zero production values.
It was reported that Lee has the record for being the oldest performer to "chart" with a single. Just what "chart" we're talking about, I have no idea. Billboard has a special category for Headbanger Horse Shit? How many copies of a piece of garbage need to be sold, or are we counting illegal downloads on something like this?
The "news" that Christopher Lee has made another anti-Christmas novelty single would be "Good news" except for a few things:
1) the lyrics, production and singing are awful.
2) it's no longer a "novelty" for Lee to put out stupid shit
3) it's no longer a "novelty" to read that he's still alive.
On point three, I'm glad. I just wish he had some manager, agent, or advisor who could at least connect him with competent musicians and lyricists, but hell, (HELL), even Shatner has become a Shitner, following the brilliant "Has Been" album with several utterly mediocre, jokeless and basically unlistenable albums of formula fuck-uppery.
Christ, this is SUCH an old, old joke, too. Back in the 60's Boris Karloff narrated "Peppermint Twist" on an episode of "Shindig," and an old bitch named "Mrs. Miller" put out an off-key album including an excruciating (it was supposed to be funny) version of "Downtown." In the 70's, the wonderful Vincent Price actually covered "Monster Mash" (British release only) and he put some effort into it, and it wasn't a bad novelty at all.
Ha ha ha, humbug, 92 year-old Christopher Lee has put out a heavy metal single where a Christmas carol is badly hacked to death by terrible singing and atrocious and amateurish musicianship. May Mr. Lee find something more worthy of his talent.
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