USA Never Reasonable: Luke Somers Kerfuffle? Butt out!

Clearly, the Seniormoles of England and all the Lords (of boot sales) are in a twist over loopy Luke.

That's Luke Somers, who had his death wish granted by going to the most vicious and unstable part of the world to prance around chewing his toffee and pointing his camera. Or whatever the fuck he thought was essential.

Damn the Yanks. Why do they ruin the fun?

The Somers clan are dead-sure that those reasonable, pleasant, highly sophisticated Arabs were engaged in meaningful negotations to release loopy Luke. But the Americans spoiled it. Or spoilt it.

Oh, we all agree. Luke was thisclose to being released. As opposed to being beheaded. Arabs never behead people.

Oh, maybe they would've released Luke if the government paid a million dollars, which is just about what they spent on the Duke and Duchess coming to New York for a few days.

Now that's value for money either way. Loopy Luke comes back home with lots of amusing snapshots, and tells the world the Middle East is wonderfully full of culture, and only a few bad apples (or dates) have "hijacked a fine religion." And the Arabs will have added another million to their war-chest with which to burn down more churches and massively slaughter a bunch of non-Muslims who don't have a lot of money.

The Brits should retain their love of all things Arabic, to the point where everyone in the country becomes another T.E. Lawrence...bent over and FUCKED.

The Americans, by the way, spent millions and millions on this mission of mercy, and have had a pretty good track record with rescues. But really, they should stay out of it from now on. They should just be like England and let the Arabs move in and do as they please. They are fine, fine people. Very reasonable, too. Just overlook the occasional bus bomb or beheading somebody on a street corner, or being "Beatle John" and returning to the Middle East to kill any white people there.

Meanwhile the Duke and Duchess are here, trying to convince the world that the British are...are what? Very concerned about the birth rate in Harlem? Fascinated by basketball games in Brooklyn? Maybe William and Kate should've gone on the mission and brought back dear Luke in time for Boxing Day. Or Dear Box in time for Luking Day. Oh why, oh why can't people just leave each other alone, and consider what matters most? This would be giving away free music on a blog, and talking about the sorrow of the human condition...that some weekends, a boot sale is rained out.