Joan Collins: the broad is a DAME in status-crazed Grate Britain

One of the biggest embarrassments for Brits, is THE ROYALS. The very concept, in the 21st Century, that some fucktards are "royal" is insulting. You can be a balding in-bred idiot, and STILL be PRINCE or KING or QUEEN because of who you parents were? Or grandparents?

CLOSE to this in utter idiocy, is the British concept of the Earl, the Lord, and the rest of the rubbish, including this insane habit of knighting idiots who couldn't slay a chicken much less a dragon. SIR Mick Jagger? SIR Elton John? SIR John Hurt? Isn't that a Monty Python character, Sir Hurt??

And DAME? What the fuck. DAME Joan Collins??? This flappy-labia bug-eyed walking cosmetics factory is now a DAME? The old slut has done "a lot for charity." Yes, by not making so many rotten movies and not exposing her naughty bits every other day.

Look at those freaks. Joan Collins looks like a dame...if your definition of a dame is a frowsy, blowsy, well-used old herring-twat.

As for Sir John, poor fellow, he looks worse than he did as The Elephant Man.

I'm sorry about him, but then again, that's how you're always supposed to feel about him. He has one of the sorriest faces on the planet. It's been his fortune, actually. He played Quentin Crisp for a start. Then he was in 1984, where he was up against Google. Er, Big Brother. And...I'm sure he's done plenty more stuff that just didn't make an impression anywhere but the U.K., or involved some stupid sword-wielding shit that only teenage nerds care about.

The sad truth is that much of this horribleness has to do with MONEY, which is almost as bad as the pomposity and hypocrisy about "royal blood." You can just BUY YOUR WAY into a title. A certain braying goat who had one PALE hit known around the world, is an OBE because he got the reputation for giving money to charity. As opposed to his organist, or others who should've been paid more than they were.

This current collection of idiotic titles, which rivals the "Rock and Roll Hall of Shame" or the "MTV Awards" for irritating banality, includes several others.

James Corden is now an OBE, and so is Sheridan Smith, who I think earned points for divorcing that fat bastard. Too bad being an OBE means nothing in America, so when he gets "The Late Late Show" on CBS and it's a ratings disaster, he can't COMMAND people to watch him.

Emily Watson got an OBE. It seems to be as easy as buying tampons at Tesco.

The forgotten name "Peter Asher" was brought back so people could say "Why the fuck is HE getting the "Commander of the Odor of the British Empire" NOW? And who the fuck IS he?

He's honored for out-living Gordon. Gordon is dead isn't he? Or is it Chad? Or Jeremy? Oh. Peter Asher produced some Linda Ronstadt records, and he told F. Lee Bailey on a TV special that Paul isn't dead.

Leave it to the British (because nobody else wants it) to be so toffee-nosed about coming up with various degrees of pretentiousness. You can be a Lady or a Dame. You can be a Lord, a Duke, an Earl (but not the Duke of Earl...sorry, that was So easy).

You can be an OBE or a CBE and God knows what else. If you're a boxer with the WBC or WBO or WBA or IBF, does that affect whether you're an OBE or a CBE or some other doughy chunk of alphabet soup?

CBE's were given to two people of questionable British heritage named Meera Syal and Ali Smith. Maybe those are just old-fashioned British names, right up there with Grendel and Porridge.

Next time a bunch of Muslims cause an uproar in London, just call up DAME JOAN COLLINS and she'll go right out and pull them under her gown and suffocate them with her vagina...all of them at the same time. Or just call up SIR JOHN and he'll rush over and shame them by looking HURT.

Yes, Great Britain is still great. And it's easier to make Joan a DAME or John a LORD than it is finding someplace that can make authentic fish and chips.