Hot New Rumor: Shauna Cuntwell will join WHITESNAKE

Darren and Bill, two thirds of "Toothpicks and That," have been heard grumbling that "the cutest member" is getting all the attention.

They pulled down their pants to see who had "the cutest member." Neither did.

"It's ME, you sillies," said Shauna Cuntwell, shielding her eyes. She told them she was thinking of fronting her own oldies cover band, "Shauna Na," but asked if she was serious, she said, "Na."

She did admit that she met up with Whitesnake.

Bill Hoobastank admitted, "I wish my white snake was like THAT. But IF I'M BEING HONEST, when I'm naked, I'm such a fat blobulent load, I look more like Adele. You can hardly see my willie at all."

Darren said, "I'm almost as bad, which is why I shaved my pubic hair in the middle, so I've got "sideburns" pointing down to it."

Shauna says, "I can't make up my mind on joining Whitesnake. First off, I'm not good with make-up, and second, I have no mind. Oh, and third, I never heard any Whitesnake songs. I mean, they don't do groovy things like Taylor Swift does. They are OLD. The guys aren't as cute as Justin Bieber."

Darren said, "Oh, when I was a little load of lard, I listened to Herman's Hermits. Herman was cute. Then came the Bee Gees, with THREE cuties. I'm hoping Shauna will stay on, and maybe we can persuade her to cover Bee Gees songs."

INDEED. Should Shauna stay with her Toothpicks, she might very well do her own covers of The Bee Gees Greatest Hits:

"(It's a) Twat-a-Day"

"Mass a Chew Twats"

"I Started a Twat."

"Lonely Days, Lonely Twats"

"Twats on Broadway"

"Twat Fever"

"Stayin' A Twat"

"How Deep Is Your Twat"

"New York Twat Disaster"

"How Do You Mend a Broken Twat?"