SHAUNA ENJOYS SOME FRENCH LICKS!

"Oh Good! On my new album promo on GooTube, instead of my usual 40 or 50 hits, I'm getting a few more since people are searching for FRENCH songs and anything with the added hashtags: prayforparis, eatafrog and merdesinging."

So it is, that Shauna Cuntwell took some time away from her toothpicks (and tampons) to do a bloody load of one-take off-key cover versions on two well known French singers.

"Well, they weren't well known to ME. I asked my drunken Irish priest, in between molestations, if he knew of any singers from the earliest days of recordings. Like, the 60's. He's SO old he ended up mentioning Piaf and Chevalier. He's SO old he left his false teeth in my twat. I just sat down and bit myself!"

Without further swiping and adapting old jokes, here's the CD cover you should be looking for at your local HIV.

Shauna sings Piaf's greatest:

La Vie en Twat. (Life with a vagina)

Mon Twat (My vagina)

Twat, Je Ne Regrette Rien (I don't regret my runny vagina)

L'twat accordeoniste (I got my vagina stuck in an accordion)

Toujour mon twat (Say goodbye to my vagina)

AND...

The Best of Maurice Chevalier

Every Little Breeze Seems To Whisper "TWAT!"

You Took the Twat Right Out of My Mouth

You Brought a New Kind of Twat To Me

Thank Heaven For Little Twats

Meanwhile, what about those toothpicks? Darren is offering a romantic holiday number, "I'll Be Home to Grimace, You Can Count On Me." Meanwhile Bill is practicing furiously for his solo debut single: "It's a Treat to Beat My Meat in the Grimsby Docks Mud."