Just remember, some VOODOO only works for people WHO DO!
HA ha ha HAAAAAAAAA you fucking Reno, Nevada brain-fried dipshits!
Let me put it this way, Wicker Man assholes...acting like a bunch of savages, getting stoned, working yourselves up with a RITUAL BY FIRE while hoping to get laid afterward...YOU LOSE, LOSERS.
See what ALLAH did to your desert? YOU PUNY PEOPLE...you don't KNOW what a REAL DESERT IS! It's a place to sunbake your brains till there's no logic left and you just run screaming all over the place, dressed in ridiculous rags, waving a sword you got out of J. Arthur Rank's prop room.
ALLAH PISSED ON YOUR DESERT! YOU BET HE DID! No, seriously. Mud! Mud! GLORIOUS MUD! It's a TRIUMPH FOR ALLAH! It's a sign from the very heavens! PISS ON YOU, YOU ROTTEN SWINE!
Do you know why? Because BURNING MAN is crazy-ass ritual idiocy!
This is NOT the way to be backward! This is NOT the way to turn against the modern age of reason, and the benefits of SCIENCE and TECHNOLOGY.
For that, you must look to the East...the MIDDLE EAST...you must wash your feet ten times a day (while the rest of you smells like camel dung) and scream toward Mecca with the magic words: ALLAH OLLY OXEN ALL HOME FREE!
Or something like that.
We are terrified that there is nothing out there but Simon Cowell boy bands. And so we turn inward toward RELIGIOUS FANATICISM! We have perfected the art of delusion!
Don't you know that worship of a giant BURNING MAN is a heathen thing to do? Compared to BOKO HARAM? Compared to ISIS? Compared to HAMAS? Compared to MUSLIM RITUALS ALL OVER THE GLOBE?
This is why the all great and powerful OZ...er, ALLAH...made a big muddy shitty mess of your silly BURNING MAN site!
You silly twisted WHITE people! Your mothers have had sex with hamsters, while your fathers smelled of elderberries.
You have misused FIRE, which we've only recently discovered. It's for lighting ovens and cremating Jews...not for your hash pipes and doobies and your fucking WICKER GIANT STATUE OF EDWARD WOODWARD or whoever that guy is. We know it isn't Mohamed. It doesn't look like him. We don't know WHAT he looks like, but that's not him, because if you DID create an effigy of HIM that would be the LAST STRAW!
ALLAH OLLY OXEN ALL HOME FREE! You tell that to Cameron! YOU TELL THAT TO OBAMA! You people are just mildly nuts...but INSANITY RULES!
PS, if you're a Shi'ite and not a Sunni, we will behead you. Or is it the other way around? NOBODY expects a SUNNI instead of a Shi'ite. No. That's not it. Give me a minute. Yes...ALL HAIL THE NORWEGIAN BLUE! No...that can't be right. Allah is definitely NOT a Norwegian. Nor a poofter. Definitely doesn't wear one of those strange Australian hats with the dingleberries hanging off.
Listen, we haven't heard from PAUL yet...PAUL of the "Fab Faux Terrorists." He'll let us know exactly what's going on. In the meantime, don't sing HELTER SKELTER, don't pray to false idols or American Idols or anyone from Britain's Got Talent, and don't even MENTION that fucking Weird Allah Yankovic.
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