Bill Hoobastank Confirms Supergroup With Shauna Cuntwell

Rumors about a "power trio" involving Bill Hoobastank are TRUE!

"Yes, yes, Shauna Cuntwell! That name rings my balls! I met her at the Chiller convention last year in New Jersey! Yes, yes, I had the picture on my Facebook page for a while."

Indeed, Bill had to take the incriminating photo down because he was afraid his wife would see it.

Here it is!

"Lots of fans come to the convention in costume," Bill explains. "Mostly they dress like something from "Star Trek" or "Star Wars" or "Star Fucker." Since it's close to Halloween, this ADORABLE waif arrived as a schoolgirl infatuated with Taylor Swift.

"I bought the bra she was wearing, and the "knickers" as she called them. She guaranteed she'd worn them for several days. Well, I knew THAT, for a start! It wasn't like there was another reason the convention room smelled like the docks at Grimsby.

"I like buying used underwear by mail on EBAY. This was too good to resist. I was going to get a proper picture taken with her, and pay her another $20, but she said she wasn't famous yet. She said she only had 5,392 videos on YouTube, and had made only enough money on Fiverr to buy a new microphone and new dildo. Poor girl, she confused the two. She said she was selling her underthings so she could buy another microphone and dildo.

"Nearly a year later, the smell of her knickers began to weaken. I contacted her for a new pair. That's when she told me about this Barren Cock chap. I think that was his name. He shaves his pubes but leaves long sideburns on the sides. We did a three-way Skype and he launched into some criticism of King Crimson or something, and then began to sing something crazy. Then she began to sing a Taylor Swift song. I bit my lower lip. Well, what else can I do? That's about my only talent, aside from leaning against celebrities and trying to keep my eyes open.

"I agreed we could form a power trio. We have that vast publicity machine of YouTube and Facebook, after all!"

Bill, preparing for this weekend's Chiller convention in Parsippany, abruptly said, "I'm too busy to talk anymore! I'm brushing my teeth constantly to get into shape for grimacing and posing with celebrities. This year's guests include guys who once played with Alice Cooper. And kids who were in "Lost in Space." And some women from "Petticoat Junction" who might sell me some used petticoats!"

Whatever happens, Bill guarantees, "we'll need to go on Kickstarter. I have a lot of money, being a retired retarded librarian, but I only spend it on having my picture taken with celebrities, or buying used underwear. My wife's gone dry, you know. Or didn't you? Oh, I can sniff her backside, and it sort of smells like the pigeon shit on A.D. Savage's back fence, but that's hardly a turn-on.

"Who knows what'll happen. Barren Cock wants to call us "Toothpicks and That," which is Cockney rhyming slang for "Two Procols and a Twat." Get it? Shauna's a twat and if Me and Darren put our heads together, we resemble Brooker's arse!"