Stevie Wonder - LOVE IS BLIND. DIVORCE IS EXPENSIVE

You can tell Stevie Wonder is blind. He picks his wives on the basis of how much he can feel. His last wife has big tits. That's about it.

"What does he see in her?" everyone asked. Nothing. But he could feel her big tits. Which was a novelty for a while.

"Isn't she lovely?" No, not really. The relationship sagged and so did her boobs, and it didn't take long before the duo split up. He just took some time filing for divorce. He's already got a new girlfriend.

Yes, Stevie's got a wandering eye.

But check out the eye-popping details of the divorce settlement. Ask yourself, how much does it cost to raise a teenage brat? Many parents do it on $25,000 a YEAR. Stevie is paying out $25,000 a MONTH.

Don't turn a blind eye to human nature. Greed rules. Mama is accustomed to her lifestyle of affluence, so just because of a divorce, there's no reason she and the brats shouldn't continue to live high on the hog.

Nine kids with five different women? And this now very fat and very old guy brought a new little monster into the world? At least he can afford it, thanks to such fucking immortal works of genius as "Ma Cherie Amour" (translation: Love that Virgin Twat).

He's got NINE brats. Can you name NINE songs this genius wrote? I can't.

I can't see where he's got even enough for ONE GREATEST HITS album (and neither can he. But yeah, we're ALL tired of the blind jokes. Although...is it racist to say all this guy can see is black?)

Stevie's "Greatest" album on Motown features "Contract on Love," "Hey Harmonica Man," "Hey Love," "I was Made to Love Her..." any of those sound remotely familiar to you?

Yeah, I've heard "Uptight Everything's All Right." Nothing special about it. Let's move on. A subsequent album, "The Definitive Collection," includes a few more numbers nobody cares about: "I Wish," "Sir Duke," "That Girl," "Do I Do," "Overjoyed" and "Part-Time Lover."

ALSO on that album are some genuine hits: "You are the Sunshine Of My Life" which is just about as crappy as the hillbilly tune "You Are My Sunshine," and "Signed Sealed Delivered" which doesn't match anything you'll hear from The Four Tops or The Supremes or even the late (as of yesterday) Billy Joe Royal. I mean, "Down in the Boondocks" is just as catchy as "Signed Sealed Delivered."

So what's Stevie Wonder actually done that is in any way brilliant? Maybe "Living in the City," because not everybody can get away with pronouncing it "Sit-tay."

Stevie is 65. He really thinks it's useful to have a new brat? One that's he's not going to really be able to play with or mentor by the time she reaches the age of puberty? He'll probably be dead by then. What's this fucking-for-immortality shit? What was wrong with the other eight brats that he needed another? Or does he get off on the smell of soiled nappies?

For the record, the former Stevland Morris, who calls himself WONDER has kids who are peculiarly named and just as obscure and pointless as the songs on his alleged "Greatest Hits" albums. These include: Keita Morris, Kailand Morris, Aisha Morris, Mandla Kadjay Carl Stevland Morris, Kwame Morris, Sophia Morris, Mumtaz Morris...oh, forget it. As the sage once said, all cats are black in the dark.

Why is it this guy has had nine kids with five different women? Did he think he was fucking the same girl, but had wandered into the wrong hotel room a few times? Is it difficult living with a guy who isn't that interested in spending all night watching TV? Or do women have problems with someone who is overly sensitive to smells?