A fantasy image, bought from Banksy for 6 million Euros, now graces the 23 Brook Street flat where curator Alice Stare Stranack regular masturbates, wastes time, and most certainly wastes money.
"I fart here at the office that was once briefly trodden in by that famous Negro, Mr. Hendrix. He is a genius much more important than Handel, who we used to exclusively promote, and who lived at 25 Brook Street. Let's face it, the average person could care less about buying any item owned by Handel, but anything touched, worn or vomited on by Hendrix? Ca-Ching! Worth millions!"
Stranack, suspending work on restoring her asshole, which was rendered several inches wider thanks to a Hendrix plaster-caster dildo, says "It's wonderful that the Heritage Lottery Fund recognizes how important it is to hire Graham Norton to talk to Adele. Oh yes, and in promoting her fabulous new album, mentioning Jimi. Jimi and Adele both have gruesomely masculine faces. At least Adele has an army of make-up artists trying to make her look a bit less like an inflated gargoyle."
Graham, the 14th most wealthy star in Great Britain, said "It took a lot of money for me to agree to suffer Adele's vaginal odor." Graham was already annoyed that Katie Price, with 63 million Euros, got into the Top Ten several notches ahead of him. It made his usually good humored attitude about females a little sour.
"I can make jokes about these cows, these disgusting creatures I wouldn't even fuck with Elton John's dick, but it's become too obnoxious. So, I demand a big fee to be anywhere near them."
Said Adele, "I have been away for a whole TWO years, which seems like a lifetime to insipid idiots who can't get enough of my bellowing. I took two years off in order to have a really good breakfast. I've only now finished it! My only regret is that after "Skyfall," I wasn't used again for the new James Bond theme song. But I'm glad it went to another cunt! In fact, Sam wears nicer knickers than I do."
As for Hendrix, a BBC executive marveled, "I think we agree Electric Landlady, released in the Winter of 1982, marked Jimi's emergence as his own man and not just a member of The Doors. That album, with "Me and Bobby McGee" on it, featured his trademark keyboard work. How he could play and bite the pedals I have no idea, but then again, I'm a white twit and as Patti Smith once noted, "Jimi Hendrix is a nigger."
Graham Norton, Adele and Jimi Hendrix. They are almost in the same league as Darren Lock, Bill Hoobastank and Shauna Cuntwell.
They do easily beat God, the Virgin Mary and Jesus. When asked to affirm this, Pope Francis smiled and said, "Fuck Off!"
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