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If you've been paying attention...or if you have friends pointing things out for you...you'll note that LOCAL PAPERS are in TROUBLE.

With far great global concerns (like brain dead Kardashians and their brain dead Negroes), the average person couldn't care less about local politics. They don't want to read about local stores going under, winners of spelling bees, the "citizen of the week," or whether the local animal shelter is having "cuddlesome pitbull adoption day."

It's not that people aren't petty, they just aren't local about it anymore. Their pettiness is to dumb down and squint at their iPads and cellphones to play video games, text each other, and post Farcebook photos of what they ate for lunch.

How does a struggling local newspaper get attention?

GIVE SHIT AWAY via COUPONS.

But wait a minute, what local newspaper am I reading? The Mexican Wetback Gazette?

Oh, it's Bilingual America. Si.

The paper, for the moment, is in ENGLISH, but McCuckold's runs bilingual ads.

Buy a cuppa coffee and a fatty muffin and get another set free. Heart attack optional.

Why run these ads in SPANISH? Because the missus is home fucking Juan the plumber?

This isn't MONTREAL, where two warring groups of assholes dueled to a compromise. We're talking about lazy Latinos who skid into the country, many illegally, and decide "Me No Learning Ingles."

You notice there's nothing in French, Polish, German, or Chinese or Japanese. Nope. It's the noisy Spanish minority that is overpopulating into the majority. They REFUSE to speak English and they're being coddled by sappy Liberals who run failing newspapers and who sell dangerously unhealthy food to morons.

[Parenthetically, right-wing lunatics are playing on this, from Donald Trump to Ann Coulter, scaring Whitey into believing that blacks and Latinos are taking over, and only fences and walls and cops in riot gear can stop 'em].

Isn't most racism really a case of "why can't they be more like us?" Of course it is. We go into ethnic restaurants all the time. The staff know to be courteous or they don't get our custom. They smile. They speak our language. We smile back and leave nice tips. Is asking that Latinos speak ENGLISH racist? Isn't it simply suggesting that they are not nearly as stupid as Polish people, and not nearly as violent as blacks, so they have no excuse for this shit? Why tolerate it? Because they are arrogant and over-populating?

I digress. But only to address the full page ad on the facing page.

"LUXURY LIVING HAS ARRIVED IN REGO PARK" the ad says. You might as well say Hull. Or Grimsby. Or Fartin-Upon-Homeless. WHO the fuck wants to live in REGO PARK? It's in Queens. You need a bus or subway to go to work. To go ANYWHERE or do ANYTHING. And you're surrounded by ethnic lunatics.

The "luxury" building offers "a 24 hour concierge" (so you don't get mugged on your way in), "fitness center, social lounge, indoor and outdoor children's play area..." and the price for a STUDIO, one fucking room is...$2,175. MINIMUM.

A one bedroom is $2,500 which is barely big enough for two people. An actual 2 bedroom apartment, which might include a room for a couple's spawn, is $3,100.

These are not MANHATTAN rates, they're rates for fuckin' QUEENS.

The happy news is that the average dumbfuck can pay those rates thanks to dumbfucks being paid a fortune to do thankless no-brainer jobs. A school janitor can make $50,000 or $100,000 so paying half or a third of his wages for housing isn't SO bad. A bank teller? An editorial assistant? Not worth so much.

PS, anyone with a Latino name gets preference, because no business wants to face a charge of RACISM.

Lastly, Latinos are obese. They are getting more obese all the time. While the United States recently topped Mexico as the fattiest nation on Earth, the Latinos are doing their best to remain big fat slobs, and Spanish-language fast food ads are sure to help.

Mmmm, buy one get one free: "Compara una Big Mac con Queso, y llevate otra GRATIS." Buy one fucking cheeseburger that contains more fat than your daily intake should allow, and get ANOTHER to scarf down, or give to your mama. One fucking fast food meal already has you over the line in anyone's sane calorie count. Add two more meals, and you're un GORDO. You might not even be able to push past your CONCIERGE as you enter your LUXURY apartment in the middle of nowhere.