This meant that he paid extra and waddled into the Chiller convention on Friday evening. Most people don't want to pay EXTRA (to grab any rare one-of-a-kind GOODIES). Most don't have that pants-wetting need to be first in line to grimace at a D-lister and demand an autograph on a DVD cover as well as that photo-op.
But fat Hoobastank was right in the thick of it Friday night. He had nothing better to do Saturday morning than to post his latest "treasures." This was Saturday morning before most of the "normal" geeks were even finished brushing their three teeth, spraying deodorant on their one suit of clothes, and getting into their cars to drive to Parsippany to trudge in and out of claustrophobic rooms, and glom dozens of nobodies and snatch up "action figures" and other junk.
OOOOOH. Recognize HER???
Bill's sucking in his lips with excitement. You can almost smell the piss running down his leg. OOOOOH! OOOOOH!!
I thought it was a haggard Jamie Lee Curtis at first, but no, it's...
...a woman who never made a film or a TV appearance. She's the DAUGHTER of a celebrity.
Who wouldn't pay $20 to stand next to Victoria Price?
Years ago, the Chiller convention had quite a few of these "I'm the spawn of an old horror film star" people on hand. Now that most Hoobastanks already have the autographs, and Millennials could care less, Bela Lugosi Jr. doesn't show up, or Ron Chaney. There are likewise no living relatives of Peter Lorre or Elsa Lanchester to try and cash in, and many (such as Dwight Frye Jr.) are as dead as their famous parent.
However, looking a bit TOO much like her father, and dutifully trying to keep his name out there...
Yes, Yes, that's Sara Karloff with the big smile, and porcine gerbil Bill Hoobastank with his usual inane expression of giddy stupidity.
So who else did you annoy, Bill?
The sign on the wall says Electrical Panel. YOU got your photo taken with ELECTRICAL PANEL?
Oh. Yeah. This guy was a B-lister for a year or two. Paul Sorvino. Wonderful. Bill is grinning like a dung beetle who discovered a cave full of bat droppings.
It won't be long before Bill (61 years old) and his type drop dead, get crippling diseases, and are otherwise not able to shlep to idiot conventions and throw away their money. The objects of their affection, whose claim to fame might be appearing on "Petticoat Junction" or "Lost in Space" or some other TV crap or bad movie Millennials never heard of, will just have to friend people on Facebook and hope a few will buy autographed photos by mail.
Here's Bill with "Lost in Space" child actress Angela Cartwright. Note Bill is lugging a bag of "goodies." He'll buy DVDs, toys, anything that he can get signed and put on display in his library of the lame.
Bill ALSO got his picture taken with Veronica Cartwright. She's famous for being...the sister of Angela Cartwright?
Yes, I know an awful lot of stupid "pop culture" shit, not because I studied, but because it was unavoidable, but I don't know (and won't look up) Angela's credits. Right now she's got a DISCREDIT, which is being desperate enough to pose next to one of the most delusional old senile fan-boy fuckheads ever to have blobulently come wobbling out of Weehawken.
Yes, the pudgy hand gripping the body of a female D-lister...the glob-body ballooning against her, and that perpetual tooth-sucking expression of near-orgasm. Bill always looks like he's just stolen a cookie out of the cookie jar, or did a fart that turned out to be a shitload. He's lived a useless drone librarian's life for which he was overpaid, and for which he gets a pension on top of social security, and so he "lives" for visiting celebrity tombstones, or celebrities who are dead to today's agents and managers.
Blob Bill the Mummy, here's Billy Mumy. You can BET that Hoobastank only knows that Billy was on "Twilight Zone" episodes and "Lost in Space," and that he does not...NOT...own a copy of Barnes & Barnes' "Fish Heads." Although Bill does HAVE a fish head.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.