Van Morrison refuses to allow "Cover" by Shauna Cuntwell

She was strumming, doing the vocal exercises that made her sound like a retarded turkey, when she got the telegram.

It said: "Please hand this to somebody who can read."

Shauna did so, and she heard the bad news: "Van Morrison will NOT allow you to change the lyrics to his song. You can NOT sing: 'Well, it's a marvelous night for a moonface.'"

Poor Shauna was going to send a free CD single of it to anyone who donated more than 50 pounds to her Kickstarter campaign.

"Something stinks," she sniffed. "I'm gutted, like a fish. And the comparison doesn't end there. What am I going to do with this poster I've printed up?" Someone replied, "Stuff it!"