Oozy Assbone and Black Tubbuth - A Tour But NO ALBUM

Oh, there's GOOD news and BAD news for fans of the long moribund Sabbath band.

When was the last time they really mattered? 1972?

Aside from headbanger idiots with bad tattoos and worse breath, nobody's listened to this corny rock group's new stuff in years. "Paranoid" was the last time they did anything fresh or original. They blundered through the 80's and 90's.

Thanks to "reality shows" Ozzy himself became a joke, and he unleashed his gruesome spawn on the world and his inanely prattling bitch-wife. In fact the bitch-wife won't go away, constantly yammering and scolding and popping her implants in and out. Name any other rock star that people can all make fun of by simply acting retarded and blundering about sounding like a barking-mad seal?

Black Tubbuth? What a bunch of old farts.

The GOOD news? They are NOT making a new album with wonder-slob Rick Rudeman, the gravedigger who has made a career out of freshening up half-dead musicians. They seem to understand that nobody can do anything with a lead singer who was never very good, and a genre of music that is basically three loud chords over and over. Lyrics? WHAT can this idiot write about? Sharon? Eating rabid bats? Eating a rabid bat named Sharon?

Besides, albums don't sell.

Why spend weeks or months in a studio to come up with something that might not even break even? You also will become GooTube PROG REVIEW #412,591 from an opinionated overweight git named Darren Lox. Thousands of forlorn sheep actually tune him in to hear his worthless rantings and see his fat grimaces because this seems to be what the British public calls "entertainment."

Considering that, at best, you've got Steve Bunce, and at worst David Walliums and Simon Cowell and Piers Morgan, IF I'M BEING HONEST, it's not about what you say but how ridiculously overbaked you say it.

THE BAD NEWS?

Just as Phil Collins is back from the dead, the greedy and clueless Sabbath bunch will be taking Seniormole's advice: "Tour, and maybe sell t-shirts. Go ahead, make a spectacle of yourselves so we can all scream 'WOO!'"

Why not let the dead past remain dead? Why be absurd, especially when heavy metal gets laughable when it involves aging monster-movie characters and cartoon fools like Kiss, Alice Cooper and Sabbath? Very few can pull off "I'm old, craggy, but still dangerous and I still have new songs to sing." And Gene, Alice and Oozy aren't in that category at all.

Gotta say one thing for Liz King: he did NOT make a fool of himself in the 21st Century!