Shauna Cuntwell, who has been busy posting old photos of herself on YouTube, complete with commmentary, announces: "My trio have put the finishing touches on an album of Christmas classics! We just need to go on Kickstarter so that somebody else pays for it to be pressed. We've got the cover done!"
Bill Hoobastank sucks his teeth, giggles and says, "I'm barely on the cover because Darren took the Santa outfit. It didn't fit me, as I have a 48 inch belly but also need a 48 inch double D bra. What was left? I couldn't be an elf. Or a reindeer. So I'm wearing the same outfit I'll be wearing on Halloween. The frightening Bill Hoobastank costume!"
As for Darren Lock, he doesn't get off on spanking girls, as much as he does slagging rock groups, ranting about alcohol, and giving inane, bawling comments that make Bunce sound like Audrey Hepburn.
He intimates that hanging around Shauna isn't satisfying.
Says Darren:
"David Gilmour gave me a tribute, naming his new album "Rattle that Lock." Actually the original title was "Throttle That Lock." But as I get THOUSANDS of hits on YouTube because simple-minded people are agog at any opinionated, self-confident windbag bloke, I must prioritize. My solo career comes first. I always come first. Unless our Christmas album is a huge shit, I will have to leave the group. Either that, or the title must change so I get top billing, as in "Lock, Slut and Barrel." Something like that. Bill is shaped like a Barrel. If it would stop him haunting memorabilia shows I'd cut off his toes!"
Meanwhile, depending on how much money Kickstarter raises, the album could be an EP or an LP. Or just a piddle of P. It could contain some or all of these Christmas classics delivered as only Shauna can sing 'em:
Santa Claus is Coming to Twat
Do Twats Know It's Christmas?
Grandma's Twat Run Over By a Reindeer
Jingle Twat Rock
Frosty the Snow Twat
It's Beginning To Look a Twat Like Christmas
Feliz Navitwat
Silent Twat Holy Twat
Little Twat of Bethlehem
God Rest Ye Merry Gentle Twat
Twat to the World (aka Joy to the Twat)
It's Lovely Weather for a Twat Ride Together
Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Twat
Twat! The Herald Angels Sing
Wonderful Christmas Twat
Have Your Twat A Merry Little Christmas
The Twelve Twats of Christmas
I'm Dreaming of a White Twatmess
The Twat of St. Mary
It Came Upon a Midnight Twat
O, Holy Twat
It's The Most Wonderful Twat Of the Year
A Twat in a Manger
Twat The Night Before Christmas
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