Don't fuckin' forget KNOXVILLE, to pay $50 to Go Tork Yourself

In between New York's COMIC CON and ENGLAND's London Film Convention there's...the Pox in Knoxville.

Go look at it on a map and see how small this town is, and how it's located near nothing but hillbilly shacks. Gosh, it's only an hour from Seymour, or Heisell, or Sevierville or Pigeon Forge....which is within driving distance of millions of obese retards and toothless lunatics who are easily impressed by ANYBODY who has been on TV.

It used to be that only the BIG cities had those fabulous COMIC CON and MEMORABILIA shows.

Or...small shitty locations NEAR a BIG CITY (in the case of "Chiller Theater" which would often hold its shows in Secaucus, New Jersey and has since moved to other smelly and peculiar places an hour's drive from nowhere).

Now? Knock yourself out in KNOXVILLE, a city with an estimated population of UNDER 200,000 inbred people.

Want a "professional" photo taken with PETER TORK????? FIFTY BUCKS, MONKEY.

SUCH A NICE GUY...if you just want to sidle up to him at his table, and lean in with your teeth in a grimacing smile, it's $40.

Oh, but you'll have to pay ADMISSION to get in, and it could take you an hour or two or three to get to the location in your fucking beat-up pickup truck, Redneck Idiot. Will you at least NOT wear OVERALLS?

YEE HAAAAAH!

Considering that most people in Knoxville only see stars when somebody hits them over the head with a beer bottle...

Hmmm, maybe you should be hit over the head with a beer bottle if you think more than a few of these people are worth the money.

But that's what the MEDIA is all about; creating Gods and Goddesses out of people who were on a sitcom, or did some pro wrestling or wandered around while "reality show" cameras were shooting 'em. (PS, you'll notice The Kardashians and Jenners aren't showing up for this. They are SUPERSTARS.)

Knoxville? The "Things to DO" list in Knoxville isn't long. You can visit the zoo. They have the "Bijou Theatre," if you want to see a shitty music group like the Blues Travellers. There's "The Clarence Brown Theatre" if you want to see a play and the morons have memorized one. There's a "Putt Putt" golf course, and "The Women's Basketball Hall of Fame." Excited? For ONE weekend, there's also the chance to see PETER TORK.

PS, the show is open SUNDAY, so you can skip CHURCH for it. Remember, not only is PETER TORK going to be there, but grimy, smelly, surly, stubble-cheeked cretinous COMIC BOOK DEALERS with tables full of mind-rotting drivel.

In the 21st Century, "religion" consists either of fanatic devotion to ISIS, or groveling and drooling over D-list celebrities, forgotten singers, or inane dweebs who write or illustrate comic books.

"We all need somebody...to cream on..." Mr. Jagger bleated...and yes, conventions like this will always have some aging starlet who maybe did a nudie scene in an R-rated comedy 15 years ago. Maybe there will be an aging Playboy centerfold girl selling an autographed photo for $20, right alongside Seka or some other idiot porn star.

Losers, if you really want to know more about a "higher power" contact your electric company.

Maureen Callahan is not somebody you'll find at a memorabilia table. She's a writer for the NY Post, and writers rarely are considered worth a photo op or an autograph. The other day she wrote a piece on the illusion of the INTERNET and how FARCEBOOK and TWATTER and the rest make people envious and depressed.

Well, yeah, because we know there's no God (the ones that believe in it are killing people) and the only form of "worship" we have is considering STARS to be gods and goddesses. OR...to pretend to be Gods and Goddesses by assembling fanciful FARCEBOOK pages that project a happy life with literally thousands of "friends."